Monday, March 30, 2009

Unkind Rewind

You can pretty much tell from the previews--hell, from the cover of the DVD package--that Be Kind Rewind is going to be one of the worst films ever made. Here's the premise: Jerry Gerber (Jack Black) accidentally becomes magnetized and destroys all the videos in Mike's (Mos Def) video store while the owner (Danny Glover) is out of town. To save the store, Mike and Jerry attempt to remake all the films. I hope someone got fired for greenlighting this movie.

Everything about the film is just awful. First of all, it's nearly impossible to find a video store that actually rents VHS videos anymore, although not quite as impossible as the idea of a human being becoming completely magnetized. Store owner Elroy Fletcher (Glover) is supposed to be a very crusty and old-school type guy, but I suspect even the crustiest of store owners would have converted to DVDs out of respect for their wallet, if not for the desire to provide customers with the technology they actually use.

Second, the film remakes are so bad that no one would ever actively rent them, much less prefer them over the originals of the film. I don't think anyone would actually watch them on YouTube.

Not surprisingly, the guys remaking the films get caught and face a hefty fine from the feds, plus some possible jail time. But, instead of having to pay up and go to jail, they make a fake documentary about a fake jazz singer, and the whole neighborhood comes out to see it, causing the powers that be to have their hearts swell and forgive the morons.

I just can't handle how bad this film is. I mean, seriously, if I read this script as an actor, I'd probably fire my agent for not vetting the scripts better. And if I were a producer or a director or investor, one look at the premise would cause me to run screaming for fear my name might be sullied by the film's awfulness.

Frankly, were I Jack Black or Mos Def or anyone else involved with this movie, I'd like to rewind my life and choose not to be involved with this film.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

One Uncomfortable Wedding

I guess it's not really fair to call Rachel Getting Married a "bad" movie, but it's definitely a very, very uncomfortable movie to watch. And the music is so incredibly bad, it makes the film a chore to watch. However, Anne Hathaway does deliver a great performance, which was totally worth the Best Actress nomination.

Hathaway stars as Kym, a drug addict who comes home from rehab for her sister Rachel's (Rosemarie DeWitt) wedding. Because of Kym's addiction, despite being the older sister, Rachel has always lived in Kym's shadow, so there's a necessary tension between the family's concern for Kym and her recovery and Rachel's desire to finally be the center of attention. This goes beyond simple sibling rivalry, however, when you factor in Kym's having killed their younger brother while she was stoned.

The film features some serious ethnic weirdness. The film is a bit like a United Colors of Beneton ad in its multicultural inclusivity, which never quite gets explained. Not that having a multi-ethnic social circle needs explaining, but when it's set in an affluent Connecticut suburb, where whiteness comes from, it might warrant a mention. Another element that's never explained is why the wedding is Indian themed (at least in terms of what the wedding party wears) when the bride is white and the groom is black. And there are no Indian people in the film.

But, the reason the film is so uncomfortable has to do with the way it's shot. Jonathan Demme seems to be trying to purposefully exclude the viewer. Most of the film makes the viewer feel like they're overhearing conversations, and, because the other actors in the film frequently leave the room during tough moments, it's like you're not supposed to overhear what's going on. It's not quite cinema verite, and not remotely a documentary, but it has elements of both, joined together in a way that just doesn't work.

The music, however, is dreadful. A combination of new age folk music and various world music and a little bit of R&B, it's just a nightmare. And, since Demme notes that he's trying to show the viewer all the events of the wedding weekend, there are long parts where you just have to sit through a dismal musical performance.

In short, the film is like being at a wedding with a family that is not only dysfunctional and in danger of imploding, but is outwardly so liberal and ethnically inclusive it borders on actually being racist. It will make anyone's family (except possibly the Manson clan) look harmonious and ideal by comparison.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Keep out of the Twilight

There is nothing good about this movie. Nothing. It's badly written, poorly acted, the cinematography is totally overthought and overwrought...hell, even the lighting is bad. Nothing like overlighting characters with pale skin to make them look even more washed out and pale. I officially apologize to Kristen Stewart for another blog posting where I slammed her for saying, "Sometimes I'd be like, 'This is crap. This is the worst, most trite piece of crap I've ever done in my life.' I love the books, but trying to do it in real life, it doesn't translate." You were right; it was crap, but your acting wasn't much better.

Twilight is obviously part of a larger body of films, since the film is about 7/8 exposition and 1/8 action. The film is more than half over before Bella (Stewart) discovers that Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) is a vampire. And, to diverge from the vampire legends we all know and love, Twilight's vampires are able to go out during the day, but have to avoid direct sunlight. And, direct sunlight doesn't make them burst into flame or melt. It makes them glitter like rejects from Studio 54. Glitter!

There's a drama hinted at (to be played out in the last 10 minutes of the next film, perhaps?) about a local Native American tribe (descended from wolves) and the Cullen family of vampires, which also indicates a love triangle that might emerge more clearly between Bella, the bad-haired Edward, and the worse-haired Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner). There's a whole lot of bad hair in this film, by the way.

In addition to the bad hair, there is also a whole lot of bad symbolism. In one scene, Edward is actually positioned in front of a taxidermy snowy owl, which makes him look as though he has wings. Angel wings? Well, he and his family are "vegetarians," living off animal blood instead of human, so perhaps that does qualify him to be amongst the heavenly host.

I recognize that I am not the film's target audience. I have achieved puberty, and do not find Robert Pattinson, with his greasy, floppy hair and questionable personal hygiene, to be the least bit attractive. And yet, I fear that if I were an 11-year-old girl, I would still recognize this movie as being awful. AWFUL!!